the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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