Sry I called you an 8
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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