the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
