I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
