I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
