Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she pinky promised me she was 18
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
