her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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