our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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