What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
