after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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