I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
