We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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