I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
