im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
