Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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