It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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