Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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