I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
