Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
