Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
