***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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