Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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