My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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