Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
