i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
