Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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