Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
