Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
