i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
