I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
