I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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