That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
