yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
