we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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