You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
