that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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