She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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