it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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