and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
