last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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