my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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