You smell like stripper and shame
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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