Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize