Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
