You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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