Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
