I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
