it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
