If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
