Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
