at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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