And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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