He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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