I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
