Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
