You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
