just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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