he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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