well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
only if we run a train.
done.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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