ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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