I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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