ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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