you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
