i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
