he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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