clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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