I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
