I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
