put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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