I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
