I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
