i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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