I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
there is glitter all over my balls
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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