That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
