Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
