Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
